Cultivating Self-Love and Self-Care

In my experience, I've found relationships and friendships often reflect back to me lessons relating to my self-love or lack-thereof. Many of us are somewhat co-dependent and often seek another to fill a gap in our lives. In school, or life in general, we often aren't taught about cultivating our own sense of self-love or self-care; we often expect it from others. Many of our traumas often stem from being wounded by a loved one, for example our parents, or a partner. However, sometimes these traumas are blessings in disguise, because they can teach us many valuable life lessons about self-love. They can make us stronger, more resilient and more empathic, because we know what it is like to suffer. We don't want others to feel this way or go through what we went through, so we become more compassionate towards others.

Cultivating self-love takes inner work: We must become aware of our self-esteem and past traumas, so we may heal them and love those aspects of ourselves that are lacking in love. Often, to cultivate self-love we have to be aware of the traumas holding us back from healing and loving ourselves. Sometimes, after a trauma, we can use that trauma in a positive way and become more self-aware and empathic. When we don't love ourselves it's usually because of stories our self-esteem tells us, such as "I am unworthy of love." Often a parent may have treated us poorly when growing up, which can affect us in adult life, making us believe that we are unworthy of love. One simple and effective way of increasing self-love is by listening to positive affirmations on self-love. Learning to become your own best friend in life is important, because while people will come and go, you're with yourself for life. If you don't like or respect yourself, it's not uncommon to attract people who'll neither respect you, nor treat you well. This can also be a good indicator of your own sense of self and worth. It's okay to have room for improvement because, ultimately, we are all a 'work-in-progress'.

Perhaps you've identified that you'd like to love yourself more. There are many ways to do this, I will share some examples:

Self-care is also important in life; to learn to appreciate your body, mind and soul. Modern living and the hustle and bustle of life have become quite fast-paced and stressful. We all need money and to make a living, so learning stress management techniques can be helpful. Getting enough sleep, exercise, sun and time for relaxation and leisure are important. Sometimes, having a high-paying corporate job can be demanding and stressful, so some may prefer doing something else at a slower pace. Personally, I value my health and a slower pace of life more than my bank balance, but we are all different with different financial commitments.

I believe we need to cultivate self-love in order to be happy and to lead a healthy, balanced life. Our happiness is our responsibility, being something that comes from within—not our external circumstances. Material possessions can give us fleeting happiness and excitement, but ultimately our happiness and self-love is an 'inside job'. If you have blocks from past trauma that you feel are preventing you from experiencing the love and happiness you deserve, then seeking professional help is a good place to start. For others, reading some self-help books may be the preferred path. Talking to a trusted friend or joining a support group can also be helpful. There are several paths to healing and for many this will be a life-long endeavour. The trick is taking one step at a time, and not feeling overwhelmed by emotions or expectations. It's completely okay not to have everything figured out and to be a work-in-progress!

By Brad Austen © 2024.